Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Unscrupulous Landlords

Immigrants living in Britain illegally will face abrupt eviction from rental properties under new laws designed to make Britain a tougher place to live in, the government will announce as it redoubles its response to the Calais migrant crisis. […] A new criminal offence will target unscrupulous landlords and letting agents who fail repeatedly to carry out the ‘Right to Rent’ checks or fail to remove illegal immigrants from their properties. They could be fined, jailed for up to five years or face further sanctions under the Proceeds of Crime Act.” ~ The Guardian, 8/4/15.

-- We will now hear the case of
Name:[Redacted], Occupation: innkeeper
Of residence: Bethlehem, you, sir,
Have been called here today
To answer charges
Of having willfully and persistently and repeatedly (excuse me, no sir,
You must wait your turn – the case of Parker, T.,
Accused of renting his church basement
-- at the blatantly undercutting rate of 0 dollars per month --
To persons living in Massachusetts illicitly and in flagrant violation of our
Federal Fugitive Slave Law, thereby
Making it that much harder for the rest of us
Who actually play by the rules,
Is not scheduled to be heard until later this afternoon)
Ahem, yes, as I was saying, of having willfully and knowingly
Allowed a family of illegal immigrants
To sleep, overnight – at a similarly undercutting rate
Not fair to the competition --
-- But milord! They 
Told me they was there for the census what
-- Well did you check with the Nazarene embassy?
When they told you this?
Did you ask for the Nazarene passport?
Did you search for the Nazarene work permit?
Did you did you did you?
-- Well look, I know, but I did not want 
To send them back, 
What with Herod saying he was gonna kill the wee lad an’ all
-- Wrong Gospel
And anyways, it would hardly be fair
To save one child when at present we are
Sending back so many others (many of those troublemakers over
At Calais, I am told, try to get in under this
Same Herod sob-story-- well, that's what
Barbed wire was invented for)
-- No, I s’pose not but…
-- Thus we have no choice but to find you guilty, you, a man who,
Even though he had a perfectly good manger to rent,
Still decided to let a rotten Nazarene family (not
That we have anything against them, mind you, indeed the rules,
Including the rule that says one cannot be born in or come
From Nazareth,
Apply equally and fairly to both
Nazarenes and Non-Nazarenes alike)
Stay; and even after you knew they were
Not from around here
Still refused to throw them out -- I mean
If we went around finding
A place to let any mere son of man
Lay his head
We should very quickly be overrun and that
Is why we find you to be
An unscrupulous landlord
-- So orders the court of Quirinus in a year
Now estimated to be about 2 B.C.

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