I'm not using AI; AI is using me

 I read a very annoying article in the Wall Street Journal yesterday and now I'm wishing I hadn't. 

It was about the cottage industry of people online who claim to be able to spot when other writers are using AI. 

They have identified a number of tells, they say, which amount to a "house style" for AI. 

One of them is the "not only this, but this" formulation. 

And of course, as soon as I read that—I realized that at least two of my most recent posts began with something like that formulation. "Not only is Trump killing human beings in his various wars and bombings, now he's also killing bison and whales..."

"The young Ted Turner may have been a horrible racist, but he was also a human being as evidenced by his grief over his sister..." 

Yikes. How many other times have I made the same rhetorical move? 

But here's the thing: I use that not move not because I'm using AI or writing in the style of AI. I use it because it's how a million other lazy human-authored think-pieces on the internet have begun before. It's just an obvious opening hook to get a blog rolling.

I'm using this cliché for the same reason AI uses it, in short: it's familiar from all that previous human-generated prose. 

I'm being a stochastic parrot too, just like an LLM. I just happen to be an organic one. Naturally occurring. 

The other "tells" that people say are clear signs that a piece was written by AI: heavy use of the em-dash; "punchy" line breaks. 

Like this one. 

Uh oh. 

But again—I've learned to use punchy line breaks over time because they assist ease of reading. 

Same with the em-dash. I was so proud of it as an acquisition!

For years and years, I would leave two hyphens "--" in every blog post I wrote—both here and at work. 

It would drive my supervisor crazy. 

Finally—too late, too absurdly late—I mastered the keyboard shortcut for the em-dash. 

Now, I use it reflexively; in no time. 

My supervisor applauded me the day—back in 2018 or so—when I finally figured this out, and she saw it reflected in why blog drafts. "You learned how to use the em-dash!" she said, beaming. 

Now, this skill that I had so painfully acquired over years is being held against me! 

The very stylistic traits that were once evidence that I had figured out how to do my job well as a copy-writer are now treated as proof that I am outsourcing my work to a machine!

Oh, the injustice!

Because here's the reason AI sounds like that—it learned how to do what it does from training on the prose created by human copy-writers and personal bloggers like me! 

It probabilistically modeled all of the prose we created over the years and decades and uses it to statistically generate plausible imitations of our work. 

I'm not using AI—AI is using me!

As Goethe's Prometheus said to Zeus—what have you ever done for me? I did all this myself!

My cottage too, [...] was not raised by thee;

[...]

Who help'd me

Against the Titans' insolence?

Who rescued me from certain death,

From slavery?

Didst thou not do all this thyself,

My sacred glowing heart?

And glowedst, young and good,

Deceived with grateful thanks

To yonder slumbering one?

I honour thee! and why?

Hast thou e'er lighten'd the sorrows

Of the heavy laden?

Hast thou e'er dried up the tears

Of the anguish-stricken?

Was I not fashion'd to be a man

By omnipotent Time,

And by eternal Fate,

Masters of me and thee?

[...]

Here sit I, forming mortals

After my image;

A race resembling me,

To suffer, to weep,

To enjoy, to be glad,

And thee to scorn,

As I!